I love the season of Christmastime. The excitement of the holidays, the songs, the lights, anticipation of the TRADITIONAL meal only eaten ONCE a year, yes I did say once a year. The borscht with mushroom ears, pickled herring, the boiled pear dumpling, poppy seed cake, yes those are things ONCE a year on Christmas Eve…in a Polish home. And best were the smiling faces opening their special picked-for-them Christmas gifts collected over the year.
My tumultuous life could be laid aside for two months before each Christmas as I became totally engrossed with turning my home into a winter wonderland only matched by what movies could produce. The pain was real, coming from a family where most were consumed with self love. It has been a full time job forgiving the hatred running through the veins of family. We for sure never needed enemies. It has been a growing experience only by the grace of God for us to overcome the tragedies of the going ons amongst us! But all my life, at Christmastime, I could forget real life.
I passionately loved the Lord from my early days in a Catholic school. And yes, I did know to recite the mass completely in Latin…every word… and do my rosary. When in my 30’s when life seemed out of control, I cried out to the Lord to come into my heart and save me from the hell we were living through. I started watching church on TV…then found a church, then started reading my bible, started associating with other Christians and began praying for others.
When I was a grandmother of 10, my mother finally told me she was proud of me. Twenty minutes later, she got mad and took it back and told me she was NOT! I never sought her approval in my life as I never cared for her interpretations of how life MUST be lived, but those 20 minutes were unbelievable! The jolt back changed me from that moment.
I am only in control of myself.
Though I spent most of my time around my mother either angry or in tears or being tremendously afraid of her, I made a decision that I would be the best daughter anyone could have. And in tears I would move forward to the end. I could control ONLY ME.
Years of loving the Lord, going to church, praying… has brought a maturity that only time can bring about. Getting beat up by life is necessary to learn how to deal with “stuff”. Life is not perfect…after all, I married a man…GEEZ! New lessons to learn, but learn, I have. I know now that all my challenges I have to lay at the cross. I AM POWERLESS to change other people, but my God who created them knows how to deal with them IF I let HIM…Yes, I have absolutely cluttered the foot of that cross with countless prayers everyday, but today I pray for God’s blessing and grace to fall on those difficult characters in my life realizing I can be a nightmare to others too!
My Christmas prayer is for others to find their way for themselves, that it is a full time job to handle their own home and business, that God is right there in the room with you, waiting to help and that the joy and peace you will feel will satisfy you and be a joy to others.
Merry Christmas to all…it’s a good day to go to church. I here tell Jesus is having a Birthday Party! ! !
