Yes, Pastor Josh Blevins, that sermon was for me. Thank you for listening to God.
A lifetime ago I heard another sermon about forgiving others as God would forgive us. The visual was burying the cat next to our recliner and leaving the tail out so on occasion when bad thoughts came across, we could grab that tail and pull that cat out…AGAIN. For 12 years, I pulled that cat out and in due time said…”I choose to forgive my Mom”. The pain is real. I forgive her again so I can move on with my life. I have written several blogs about forgiving her and do forgive her. You cannot deny that pain comes up naturally in your life when you remember the things that have been done to you…mother…by a father…a sister…an ex-husband. AND I FORGIVE THEM AGAIN. I don’t look to remember, but memories always pop up. It is the way of life.
Last year I blogged about the nice things I remember about my Mom. My #1daughterconnie insisted that I dwell on the good in her. This always pops up around Mother’s Day OF COURSE! It was a struggle. It took a lot of thinking over a long period of time. I did remember some trivial things we laughed hysterically over, my Mom and me. So I found the dark moments were beyond dark, but the occasional LED moments were a highlight, though rare…they were the best.
The healing process took a turn after that blog. My God is soooo big, so wonderful to deal gently with me, so persistent to reveal truth to me, because I DO CHOOSE to forgive. So I kept remembering the good times as I have dealt with my own children, a hodgepodge of characters…GEEZ! Where did they come from? Sometimes it’s hard to believe they are siblings. So back on my knees asking God to forgive me…it’s always MY fault, “I have done the best I knew how!”
OMG! Slap in my face, throw me down, tire tracks across my body, have mercy on me…if I have done the best I knew how, why would I not think my Mom did not do the best she knew how?
Sunday I buried the tail. Thank you for my Mom. She was who I needed in my life to help develop who I am today. Did I tell you about how she would buy a lottery ticket each week to share with me and we would have to strategize over how we would spend our winnings?
