Two weddings in 2 weeks, what a tuff time with emotions! The Bride is ALWAYS beautiful. The groom absolutely handsome. The wedding well rehearsed, every hair in place, everything perfect. The families of all 4 people knocked themselves out with all the details, the food exquisite, the bars stocked, the music made for dancing under the stars……new dreams dreamed and old memories revisited. A fabulous night that will be remembered forever, one can only hope….
Yes, this night was all about the couple…except that it was me sitting there, watching and reflecting on my own life. It’s a rare moment to sit me down anywhere, to kick back and relax, to enjoy, AND moments to THINK. I looked around and saw drama everywhere. The bride was so lovely dancing with her father. Such a precious moment, so right in the order of things. May she always treasure that dance, some of us never have experienced that. Then there was true love with the groom’s father dancing with the love of his life….time tested, committed love, the newlyweds have such a wonderful example.
I sat there thinking about what was, what could have been, what wasn’t, what didn’t. …his fault, my fault, WHY?! ! ! So many wasted years, so I thought about regrets…I have been thinking on regrets for some time now. To tell the truth, I have NONE. Sure there were bad times, but there were really good times. I don’t know of any couple who have had a perfect life, so in reality, I was just having my allotment of trouble as my personality deemed. There was no marriage training for me…no example…just plunging in, having babies, washing dirty dishes, changing diapers, hanging on for life. Could we have both learned to be better? Maybe. Both of us were so heavily beat down with responsibilities, working around the clock, those kids had to eat and have new clothes for school, you know! Five kids is a big family.
One morning life changed forever. Our baby son had passed in the night. Dreams were dashed. Hopes and plans for the future disappeared. Joy and laughter were replaced with grief and despair…and anger. We all changed. Hardness and bitterness set in. Then I met the Lord, that was the only way I could survive. It was a long road of destruction that ended in divorce, damaged all our lives. Do I have any regrets, NO! You see, I learned that what didn’t kill me, made me grow. I learned about God, about the nature of people, about forgiveness, about new life. I knew nothing about life, I knew nothing about anything as an 18 year old bride. I learned that there is sooooooooooooooooooooooo much to learn, that the more we learn, the more there is to learn. We all have our story. Each person. It is never about “the moment”, it is not about the journey, it is about arriving at the destination! ! ! There may be blown tires along the way, head on accidents, lost luggage, but have you gotten to the destination?
I learned that forgiveness is the fuel in the tank. Kindness offers smoother saling….garage sales help……you knew that was coming…..If you want love, YOU must 1st be loving, if you want friends, YOU must 1st be friendly. I lacked knowledge in the early days of my life. God knew how stubborn I was/am, what it took to turn me around to be the person He created me to be…I’m not where I want to be, but I know I have been changed by His Grace that He poured out on me and blessed me with a new husband of several years, which now places me in the university of higher education in learning about being married.
Regrets…NONE. I am who I am today because of where I walked yesterday!
